"I have so much self-hatred it’s unbelievable," she told the Dunedin District Court this week.
"I just wish I could stop blaming myself for what happened."
Balclutha man Mervyn Stuart Perrin (34) was found guilty of two counts of sexual violation by unlawful sexual connection at trial and was this week sentenced to 22 months’ imprisonment.
Despite the guilty verdicts he continued to claim innocence and his counsel John Westgate argued the outcome should be home detention.
Judge David Robinson, taking into account the huge impact on the victim and Perrin’s lack of remorse, disagreed.
The incident at the heart of the case took place more than 15 years ago.
The victim, along with her siblings, went to Perrin’s house to see his mother — but only the defendant was home.
Perrin ushered the other children into a room to play on a computer and took the victim to another part of the house.
There he committed two violations.
Afterwards, the defendant told her not to tell anyone what had happened.
And for years the woman kept it to herself.
She told the court she began self-harming at 14, "to express the hatred I had towards myself".
While a move north improved her mental state, things declined sharply in her late teens and she described using alcohol and medication to numb her pain.
Her first overdose resulted in her being admitted to a mental health clinic, a cycle that would be repeated several times.
A turning point came, she said, when she confided in a staff member about what had happened to her more than a decade earlier.
"When I reported it to police the weight was taken off my shoulders," the victim said.
She told the court she forgave Perrin, "but I will never forget".
While acknowledging the depth of her struggle, the woman also underscored her desire to move on with her life.
"I battle with my demons every single day. I battle hard to not let you affect me," she said.
"I’m a warrior who battles day to day . . . You’ll never hurt me again. You’ll never haunt my dreams."
Judge Robinson accepted Perrin’s sex attack was not planned.
"You took advantage of an opportunity when there was no-one else around," he said.
Because of the sentence of imprisonment imposed, Perrin would automatically be placed on the Child Sex Offender Register.
Moments after the judge thanked those in the public gallery for their conduct throughout the proceedings, a supporter of the defendant left the courtroom issuing expletives.
