"Don't tell me, the new physics engine is revolutionising the game blah blah blah."
The cheek of the man.
And yet, he speaks the truth.
FIFA 11
For: Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, PS2, PSP, Nintendo DS, PC
From: Electronic Arts
Most sports games do arrive with bold promises of newness: new graphics, new gameplay, new options, new names, and yes, new revolutionary physics engines.
Electronic Arts, the behemoth of sports gaming, has adopted authenticity as its No 1 aim for a long time.
Hence, the yearly search to squeeze more out of its titles, particularly the incredibly popular Fifa series.
I don't pretend to be an elite sports gamer but I do own 58 different football games on various consoles, so I think I speak with reasonable authority when I say that Fifa 11 represents more evolution than revolution.
The Fifa series took a massive leap forward in 2007, and since then incremental upgrades have enhanced the game but not taken it in any seriously new direction.
Still, Fifa 11 is spectacularly good, and it is not at all a bad thing that many of the elements that made Fifa 10 equally impressive are still in place.
New this year is something called Personality Plus, which is claimed to better represent the various skills and traits of the world's elite footballers.
Does it make much of a difference? Hmmm, not really much so far.
I mean, Didier Drogba does go down in the box like he's been shot, and Dimitar Berbatov refuses to track back and defend, but Wayne Rooney hasn't yet handed in a transfer request, which is disappointing.
The passing physics have also been upgraded, and it's not just a cosmetic change.
You now have to be much more aware about where the controlled player is facing and how much pressure you puton the pass button.
Another thing I have noticed is that crossing and heading have improved out of sight.
It's nice to be able to score the odd headed goal from corners, and to win the occasional aerial battle from a free kick.
Subtle improvements to the manager mode have been made, including the option to be just a manager or just a player or a player-manager.
The virtual pro is back and, again, brilliant.
Create a player, stick him in a few games and try to tick off hundreds of accomplishments to level up.
Addictive and well-paced fun.
Finally, there is one seismic change - the ability to play as the goalkeeper.
Yes, the gloved tragics can rejoice.
You now get the option to play as Cech or Reina or Paston, a lonely figure at the bottom of the screen, nervously waiting for the shots and crosses to come in.
It was a risky addition but it actually works well.
The controls are fairly simple to learn, and it adds a whole new element to football gaming.
I'm reluctant to give Fifa 11 a perfect score, but there really is very little wrong with it.
