Many is the time, as an expert on television, I am stopped in the street, the office, in saunas and parlours of various sorts, and asked to blow the lid on New Zealand television news.
Common complaints are that all reporters are now attractive females under 23, the news is shallow, celebrity-focused infotainment, and that reporters are forever going "live" to somewhere quite irrelevant.
Unfortunately, the people who do this mistake me for a man of even the slightest substance.
Therefore, it's time to have a close look at Michael Jackson and Bubbles: The Untold Story.
This is a terrific show.
Viewers will be immediately impressed by the narrator, who has the sort of educated English accent that makes me, at least, completely ignore any major flaws a show has, and just believe everything I hear.
Michael Jackson and Bubbles: The Untold Story is an absolute highlight on Animal Planet next month (8.30pm, October 24).
For those of you who (and this is almost impossible to believe) are not aware, Bubbles was at one time the King of Pop's friend and confidante, a chimpanzee who flew first class with that unusual gentleman as he rode the wave of pop domination.
He could do the moon-walk, was dressed up in designer clothing, and had hairy legs and arms - the chimp, I mean.
But, and this is at the very heart of the show, what happened to Bubbles? Amazingly, he grew up, became immensely strong, developed the sort of attitude only a grown-up chimpanzee can have, and became unsuitable as a pet.
Who could have predicted that?
It takes almost an hour of the show to get to that point, but along the way there are many interesting diversions.
One is the input from the show's expert, Carol Jahine, evolutionary psychologist and ape expert.
"Michael would have been a surrogate mother to Bubbles," she says.
Again, who would have guessed?"He would have been able to form a very meaningful, intense, physical relationship with Bubbles," she says.
That's the sort of insight one could only learn at evolutionary psychologist and ape expert school.
Clinical psychologist Sari Shepphird says Michael may have turned to monkeys after having a strained relationship with his Dad.
Again, you only get that from clinical psychology school.
In the end, in a denouement that only America could provide, Bubbles is tracked down in a retirement home for showbiz chimps in Florida.
And a retirement home for showbiz chimps, my friends, is something you would only find in America.
