Put in a call to the Elliott household and, should the phone not be picked up, you will eventually happen upon a voice that is bright and bubbly, full of musical cadence, full of life. It belongs to Sophie Elliott.
The choice of present tense is no accident. Despite her brutal murder on January 9, 2008, by her ex-boyfriend, Clayton Weatherston, Sophie's words continue to resonate.
Another example: "Any use to you? ". A yellow sticky note atop an exercise book discarded by Sophie as she packed her belongings in preparation for her departure to Wellington and a prized Treasury seat she'd never fill. A moment's thought from a daughter, it became so much more for her mother.
Lesley Elliott did use that exercise book. In the days, weeks and months following her witnessing Weatherston kneeling over Sophie in her upstairs bedroom, stabbing her repeatedly, Lesley needed a means of recording her feelings, to "un-jumble" her thoughts as she lurched between shock and grief.
"I saw that as a message, so I wrote to her. I didn't write every day, but it was just basically how I was feeling, what was going on.
"When I look back, I'd written a lot of stuff, particularly in that first year. I wasn't normally a diary writer - Sophie was, as everyone knows - but I did keep a lot of notes as a way of getting it out of my mind."
Lesley (64) is talking in the lounge of the family's Ravensbourne home. Husband Gil (69) and eldest son Nick (37) are in the kitchen. Though the couple's other son, Chris (33), has job commitments in Auckland this weekend, Nick is back from Australia for the Dunedin launch of the Sophie Elliott Foundation today.
Lesley says she wishes I wasn't in her lounge. She means no offence. The point is obvious: had Sophie not been murdered, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Lesley would also have had no need to write a book, Sophie's Legacy: A mother's story of her family's loss and their quest for change.
Co-written by Bill O'Brien, a former policeman whose book Aramoana: 22 Hours of Terror was the basis for feature film Out of the Blue, Sophie's Legacy is harrowing in its forensic details, thought-provoking as it underscores the nature of abuse within relationships and deeply moving in regards the sudden loss of an effervescent and intelligent young woman.
"That's her there," Lesley says, turning her head to indicate a blue box to one side of the room, surrounded by ornaments, a few fluffy toys and other wee mementoes. The box contains Sophie's ashes. Normally, it sits in Sophie's old bedroom but, because the room is currently being used, it has been moved to the lounge.
"She's around and that's fine," Lesley says. "We are comfortable with that. It's how we feel, not what others think. People might feel we are a bit macabre but that's the way it is. She is still a part of our lives.
"Her room is the same as when she left, a little tidier maybe. We had the house blessed; her room was blessed and I'm comfortable with that. A lot of people say 'I don't know how you can do it'.
"Her stuff is still there. I am starting to give away a few little bits and pieces now and again. Nick says, 'Mum, why don't you just get rid of all her stuff'. I will one day. I've got to be ready for it.
"I've had a lot of counselling to get to this point.
"I can't work full-time now. I do three shifts a week and that's as much as I can cope with. I'm tired and my concentration ... it's hard. I'd prefer to not be working at all, actually. But, on the other hand, it's about doing something different. I'm able to think about something else. But I could be working on the foundation full-time.
"Everyday living is not easy, but the foundation has helped me get out of bed in the morning."
The timing of the publication yesterday of Sophie's Legacy and tonight's official Dunedin launch of the Sophie Elliott Foundation is both significant and bittersweet: today would have been Sophie's 26th birthday.
The foundation aims to establish a nationwide education programme teaching girls and women how to recognise the signs of an abusive partner. Says Lesley: "It is about primary prevention. I don't want people to go through what we've been through or girls to be in abusive relationships that they can't get out of. I want the foundation to be the fence at the top of the cliff.
"I'm not a counsellor; I'm just telling them about what happened to Sophie. If they are going out with a guy and are not feeling great about it and are feeling a little unsafe, they probably need to get out of the relationship."
Sophie's Legacy comprises four distinct sections: Sophie's murder and the devastating personal impact on her family; setting the record straight regarding Sophie's reputation and addressing Weatherston's defence of provocation; Lesley and Gil's determination to effect changes in the justice system, particularly in regards victims and their families; and, finally, Lesley's aspirations for the foundation.
"The book looks at what occurred to us but it's more than just that story. I like that aspect of it," Lesley says. "The idea was it would include everything, from Sophie's relationship [with Weatherston] to what happened, as well as the injustices of the justice system.
"Bill came to us about a year ago and asked if we'd be interested in writing a book. I said I didn't think there would be a book in it. I thought the story had been told fairly well, but it went from there.
"I think we were given a word limit of 70,000 and we got up to 90,000 at one stage. That's when Bill reminded me I'd said there wasn't a book in it."
Asked if she took much convincing, Lesley shrugs: "I suppose our lives had been exposed anyway". She then looks across the lounge at O'Brien, who she now regards as a friend: "Did I take much convincing? I don't know ..."
O'Brien: "There were things that I decided wouldn't go in because they were too personal. I had to have the trust of Lesley. It was a strange experience. It was good to be trusted but it was very emotional. It wasn't easy."
The bottom line is, Lesley says, she would rather Sophie was still alive. "I'd rather I wasn't talking to you, to be quite frank. But I try not to think about that too much because if I do I get overwhelmed and can't handle it. So I try to step back a bit from it."
When Lesley thinks of Sophie, she visualises her bounding in the air, dancing around the house, sometimes driving her mother nuts.
"I'd think, 'God, I wish she'd just go away and leave me alone'. She was that type of person. She'd tell me everything and I'd say, 'too much information, Sophie'. So she'd do another twirl around the lounge with her lovely sparkly eyes, knowing she'd shocked her mum another time. That's what I remember."
Yet Lesley remembers other things, too. If the following words are hard to read, imagine what it was like to write them; a mother describing the horrific injuries suffered by her daughter:
"The pathologist's list recorded 216 stab wounds or cuts made by the knife Weatherston brought with him to my home. Weatherston used that weapon along with scissors from Sophie's room ... It's an extraordinary thing to contemplate," Lesley writes.
In the calm of her lounge, she quietly adds: "I can't get my head around it and I saw some of it".
"The book is quite raw in parts. In terms of the post-mortem, we had it in, we had it out. I talked to Gil about it and we decided it would go in because I want people to try and understand the horrific thing that he did.
"I think the only criticism we might get is being fairly brutal with the injuries he did inflict on her. But I think it's the right thing to do.
"It wasn't just the outright killing; it was everything else he did afterwards. That was very blatant to me. He had a very fixed idea of what he was doing.
"I saw him. It wasn't a whodunit. It was absolutely clear-cut, yet we have had to go through all this," she says, alluding to the fact she has spent 34 days (or part days) in court.
O'Brien: "When someone is seen to have done something ... here we are three and half-years later and it is still not resolved," he says in reference to Weatherston's appeal in April this year.
Weatherston, who admitted manslaughter at the start of the trial in June 2008 but denied murder, is seeking to overturn his murder conviction and 18-year non-parole life sentence on the grounds the intense public debate surrounding his controversial defence of provocation meant he didn't get a fair trial. The three Court of Appeal judges have reserved their decision.
Asked what consideration had been given to the implications of publishing a book that features claims not heard at trial, including some evidence originally deemed prejudicial to the defendant, O'Brien says much effort went into researching and clarifying statements, checking and re-checking specific points with a legal team.
"We got advice at a high level. The thing is, he has been tried and convicted. His appeal is about how the trial was conducted. Nothing in the book can influence the fact of what he did.
"If you have a book and it's all there - and we've done it carefully; it's all accurate - it gives Lesley, Gill and the boys a voice. It is about setting the record straight and sticking up for Sophie."
Lesley: "We had hoped the results of the appeal would be out. But that's the way it is".
"We tried to get the transcript of the trial but the judge wouldn't release it because of the appeal and it seems ridiculous. Nothing is going to change, but we just wanted to make sure that what is in book is really accurate. It would have been nice to have the transcript to compare."
Lesley admits she'd like nothing better than to erase her daughter's murderer from her mind. However, in order to offer advice to others on potentially dangerous relationships, she has been required to think deeply about Weatherston's personality and his involvement with Sophie.
"It was when a former girlfriend of Weatherston came forward to police and reported her own abuse that the penny suddenly dropped. I googled 'women and abuse' and came across the Women's Refuge site and found 'definitions and signs of abuse'. When I read it, 90% of it fitted him. I sat there crying and crying.
"Sophie was an intelligent woman. If I'd realised and shown her that ... For abusers, there is a textbook, a standard. They say the same things; they do the same things.
"Even though it came out at the trial that he was narcissistic, it doesn't matter. That might have been his personality but he did the classic abuse stuff.
"I just thought he was up himself, to be quite honest. My impression was that he was a smart-arse individual and I didn't know what Sophie saw in him."
Yet there were some key disparities in the relationship: Weatherston was 10 years older (he turned 32 on January 9, the day he murdered Sophie), a University of Otago economics lecturer who also tutored a group that included Sophie (who posthumously graduated with a first-class honours degree in economics).
"When I look back now I see that power and control stuff," Lesley says. "It was unfortunate she had to see him at least three times a week because he was her tutor on a paper she was doing. They were always breaking up; every other week it was off. He did manipulate and keep her dangling.
"The first time she came home and said, 'doesn't he realise I've got low self-esteem?', that really hit me.
"I hadn't heard her use those words before. I realised what he was doing to her. A lot of what was going on I put down to her being in her fourth year, that she was an A-student who put a lot of pressure on herself.
"I just thought the up and down moods were to do with that and, to some extent, they were. But on reflection it was about what he was doing to her. She didn't know where she was," Lesley says.
"It was only five months they were together. In fact it was a lot less than that because of the times they were 'off'. She'd come in and I'd ask, 'is this the week it's on or off?'. She'd say, 'it's off this week; I'm not going to see the b ... again'. The next week she'd say, 'you're not going to be happy, Mum, but I'm going to give him another chance'.
"Part of it was to do with her. She didn't like to have enemies. Sophie was the sort of person who, if she had an argument with a girlfriend, would be the first to text them the next day and invite them out for coffee.
"I think that's why she invited him around here the day he killed her. I think she thought he was coming to say he was sorry, was bringing some things back that she'd lent him. I think she thought, 'I'm leaving town tomorrow; let's move on with our lives'. That's what she was like."
Though the relationship had been over since mid-November, 2007, Sophie continued to maintain some contact with Weatherston, including attending his PhD graduation dinner on December 15 (as did another ex-girlfriend).
However, two subsequent violent incidents should have spelled a warning, Lesley admits. The first occurred at Weatherston's flat on December 27 when he allegedly straddled Sophie, put an arm across her throat and a hand over her mouth and verbally abused her; the second on January 7, 2008 when, after Sophie had confronted Weatherston and mimicked his earlier actions, he pushed her down a flight of stairs at the university, his shouting overheard by others within the economics department.
"Had we reported that first one to the police ... she convinced us not to but in hindsight I wish we had," Lesley says. "When she came home and told me, I said, 'Sophie, that's assault; we could go to the police'. She said, 'I know, but I'll be leaving next week and will forget about him'. Had we gone, it might have been quite different."
Lesley has a theory about why Weatherson murdered her daughter.
"I think he didn't want her going to Treasury. He had convinced her that he was the best economist, the greatest, which was all part of his grandiosity.
"She came home one day in tears - again - saying 'he's going to ruin my career; he's going to get hold of some friends in Treasury (Weatherston had held a position there several years earlier) and tell them what an awful person I am'.
"She was crying. I yelled at her in the end and told her to think about what she was saying. I said, 'who does he still know up there? You go up there and be the person that you are, do the work and prove yourself. If anyone asks you if you know Clayton Weatherston all you need to say is he's one of your tutors'. Just like that, she stopped and said, 'you're right'.
"I think he was terrified she might find out that he wasn't the best.
"But the bottom line is we don't know why he killed her."
The Sophie Elliott Foundation
Violence prevention through education, awareness and empowerment of young women.
AIM:
• The Sophie Elliott Foundation aims to fund a primary prevention programme to prevent violence against women by raising awareness about the signs of abuse in dating-relationships.
• We also wish to raise awareness with their friends and family so they too will recognise the signs, without blame or judgement.
• There is currently no national programme in place that teaches our young people how to recognise the warning signs that put them at great risk of harm.
• What happened to Sophie could have happened to anyone.
• Therefore, we aim to raise funds from New Zealanders and the business community to set up a nationwide safe relationship education programme.
• We also aim to encourage young and adult men to actively oppose violence against women, and to promote a culture of non-violence and respect. We acknowledge that the vast majority of men in New Zealand are caring and loving partners, and we seek their partnership.
WHEELS OF JUSTICE
Elliott family schedule of court appearances:
1.10/01/08: The accused remanded in custody for one week with name suppression.
2. 17/01/08: Name suppression lifted, accused remanded in custody for five weeks.
3. 21/02/08: Argument in court over legal representation. The matter was adjourned for one week while counsel sorted out who would represent the accused.
4. 28/02/08: QC Judith Ablett-Kerr was engaged to represent the accused. The depositions hearing was set for May 26, 2008.
5. 26/05/08: Depositions hearing over four days.
6. 03/07/08: A scheduled pre-trial hearing was cancelled as there were no issues to put forward.
— 16/07/08: Pre-trial hearing back on. Matters of psychiatric evidence were heard.
7. 04/08/08: Pre-trial arguments were presented by the defence. These included:
• A suggested change of venue for the trial.
• The exclusion of some of the arresting officer's evidence.
• Exclusion of the 111 emergency call recording.
• Exclusion of hearsay evidence.
• Exclusion of evidence from a previous girlfriend of the accused.
8. 23/10/08: Pre-trial hearing considered:
• Aspects of provocation as a partial defence.
• The 111 call.
• Exclusion of some of the arresting officer's evidence.
• Exclusion of the video interview with the accused at the police station after his arrest.
• Affidavit for change of venue to be before the court by December 1 (defence) and December 19 (Crown).
9. 17/02/09: Pre-trial hearing in Christchurch to discuss:
• Change of venue.
• Trial date set for May 25 in Christchurch.
— 09/04/09: Trial date reset for June 8 as some evidence was not ready.
— 28/05/09: A second postponement of trial. This was because arguments over the admissibility of Sophie's diary were to be considered.
10. 22/06/09: The trial finally began in the Christchurch High Court. The accused was found guilty of murder on July 22, 2009 and remanded to September 15 for sentencing.
11. 15/09/09: Clayton Robert Weatherston was sentenced to life imprisonment with a non-parole period of 18 years. This had been reduced from 19 years as it was his first offence.
12. 06/04/11: An appeal against conviction was heard in the Court of Appeal, Wellington. The panel of three judges reserved their decision. At the time of the appeal hearing, 39 months had elapsed since Sophie Elliott was murdered.
CLASSIC SIGNS OF ABUSE
• PSYCHOLOGICAL: This is about things that make you feel you are going crazy. Typical examples are name-calling, manipulation, power and control.
• POSSESSIVENESS: Isolation from family and friends. Controlling your life, telling you what to wear, how to have your hair. Makes decisions for you. Jealousy.
• PHYSICAL ABUSE: Assaults (crime), hitting, strangling, biting, kicking, punching, pulling hair, holding you down. Threats to assault or kill a pet.
• THREATENS SUICIDE: Changeable behaviour, volatile. Blames you for his problems. If you don't do what he wants says he will kill himself.
• SEXUAL ABUSE: Unwanted sex (rape), controlling, making you do things you don't want to. Unwanted touching. Making you watch porn. Sex without contraception, saying it's your problem.
• COMMUNICATION: Erratic, keeps you dangling.
• ECONOMIC: Controlling your finances, only letting you have access to small amounts of money. Giving you an allowance. Not willing to contribute, e.g. when flatting.
• SPIRITUAL VIOLENCE: Putting down your beliefs. Prohibiting you from pursuing your cultural beliefs.
ABOUT DATING VIOLENCE
• 15-24-year-olds are the age group most at risk of physical, psychological and sexual victimisation from current and ex-partners. (New Zealand National Survey of Crime Victims, 2006)
• 48% of couples at age 21 years old reported having been involved in physical partner violence. (Dunedin Longitudinal Study, Moffitt and Caspi, 1999)
• 25% of those convicted of "male assaults female" in 2006 were 15-24 years old, with 44% of all those convicted being under 29 years old. (Ministry of Justice, 2008)
• 66% of women seeking Women's Refuge help are 17-35 years old. In 2009, 26.1% of refuge clients were aged 16-25 years old. (New Zealand Women's Refuge 2006, 2010)
• One woman dies approximately every 26 days at the hands of her partner or former partner. We estimate that over 20 women have been murdered since Sophie in 2008. (Roundtable for Violence Against Women)
• In 2009, nearly 75% of the 29 female murder victims were killed by offenders identified as a family member or partner. (Police Statistics on Culpable Deaths in New Zealand, April 2010)
• Women's Refuge receives a crisis call every nine minutes. New Zealand police receive a domestic violence crisis call every seven minutes. (It's Not Ok, 2010)
• 37% of protection order applications and 25% of respondents are under 29 years old. (Family Court Statistics, 2007)
THE BOOK
Sophie's Legacy: A mother's story of her family's loss and their quest for change, by Lesley Elliott, was co-written with former policeman Bill O'Brien, author of Aramoana: 22 Hours of Terror.
The book will be launched by University of Otago law dean Prof Mark Henaghan at a fundraising event at the Wall Street Mall, Dunedin, at 6pm tonight. Funds raised from ticket sales to the event will go to the Sophie Elliott Foundation.
Tickets can be bought from Marbecks Books, the Wall Street Mall and G.S. McLauchlan and Co.
