Perhaps dogs named for ground should not fly
Perhaps dogs named for ground should not fly
I am having difficulties with Air New Zealand and my stepdog Minty, the Duchess' Jack Russell.
Wit's End
Paradise lost in creeping suburbia
Paradise lost in creeping suburbia
We've been smug up here in Central. Life's a lollipop. We reside in the Dress Circle of Paradise, while the rest of you don't.
Here's to reasonable drinking
Here's to reasonable drinking
I have finally bought myself a breathalyser. I'd become alarmed that I may not be drinking enough, and the worry of it was keeping me awake at nights.
Slow torture of wet Sundays and streaming TV
Slow torture of wet Sundays and streaming TV
It was a wet Sunday. This is why I wanted to chuck a bottle at my ''smart'' TV, and punch my witless computer.
The whole truth and nothing but the wine
The whole truth and nothing but the wine
It is the task of the writer to make sense out of chaos, and to shine the torch of reason down into the pagan mind.
Of schools, pigs and sausages
Of schools, pigs and sausages
Justice Cudlip Trout, who has been disciplined and banished to Gardening Leave, finds the telephone still rings.
Greens and a nice red or two
Greens and a nice red or two
Justice Cudlip Trout, de robed and sent to moulder on Gardening Leave, finds himself invited on a sporting road trip.
A classic rejection of upbringing
A classic rejection of upbringing
It was a beautiful Central evening. The stars hung sparkling from an obsidian sky, and out on the deck, as the day's heat cooled, the barbecue crackled.
Gobbledegook on the high seas
Gobbledegook on the high seas
Justice Cudlip Trout, sent away on gardening leave, has been wrenched from his geraniums to head the Armed Services inquiry into HMNZS Wellington and its naval inaction against the toothfishermen pirates.
This is the job I could just talk myself into
This is the job I could just talk myself into
My brown couch - the ''thing'' anchored in Position A in front of the cricket - is taking a beating.
Etiquette rules for spilling wine on someone's crotch sadly lacking
Etiquette rules for spilling wine on someone's crotch sadly lacking
It would be an odd person - a social misfit - who gets through life without spilling a bottle of wine over somebody's crotch or carpet.
Pointless, amusing prose for profit
Pointless, amusing prose for profit
I had an editor known to friend and foe as The Cane Toad.
$4000/day white washing nice job if you can get it
$4000/day white washing nice job if you can get it
Justice Cudlip Trout has been recalled from Gardening Leave. He presided over the whitewash of officials blamed for Phillip John Smith's notorious escape to Brazil.
Some senior moments
Some senior moments
I was about to share my insights on potting geraniums, but you must wait. I've been diverted.
Will and testament great opportunity for retribution
Will and testament great opportunity for retribution
It was time to update my will. This is part sober citizenry but - let's be candid - it's also the chance to replace old whims with new whims.
Winston's ambidextrous talents were evident way back when
Winston's ambidextrous talents were evident way back when
On Saturday night I got out the Footrot Plonk, and rolled up the street to my friend Simon's election night party.
Privacy laws apply to all, even Slater
Privacy laws apply to all, even Slater
Our most memorable dumb-cluckery and venality occurs in private.
Column-writing bit of a (Mediterranean) cruise
Column-writing bit of a (Mediterranean) cruise
We have received an aerogram from Justice Cudlip Trout, sent on gardening leave after notoriously introducing penal terms for suspects with tattoos.
Hoping to avoid Greek tragedies
Hoping to avoid Greek tragedies
I haven't done an ocean cruise. I'm wary of group tourism and not that keen to join some boat's B Deck shuffleboard team.
Round and round - like thoughts
Round and round - like thoughts
I stood among the milling herd which waited, like cows outside a milking shed, beside the airport's baggage carousel.