Reading your article about the child and the pride flag (ODT 1.7.24) made me feel nauseous.
Thank-you to the child’s parents for not making him choose another flag, as I fear many Dunedin parents would.
I’m truly sorry that you got a first-hand experience of the homophobia that’s prevalent in this city.
The article made me reflect on Dunedin’s problems with homophobia and transphobia.
It also made me realise that many people in this city won’t know what it is like to live day to day as a queer person in Dunedin.
The story made me extremely sad, as it reminded me why, as an out and proud queer person, I would never put a pride flag on me, my car or house.
What should be an expression of joy and pride instead feels like a target.
As a city we still have a generally hostile attitude towards queer people. Many times and places here I feel unsafe.
Some lovely friends of mine own a bar that has a large queer patronage. It is very common on the weekends for their patrons to be screamed at from cars in the same way as the family with the flag.
This is very unfortunate as it is one of only a few queer-positive night spots in the city.
It should be noted that none of these spots are in the Octagon. To be visibly queer in the Octagon on a weekend evening is very scary indeed.
I’ve asked my partner not to go there. I’ve also asked them to avoid the bus hub.
Dunedin’s dangerous attitude to the LGBTQIA+ community is not limited to night-time.
Like many other young people in this city, I get a lot of pleasure from op-shopping. My friends and I search high and low for affordable treasures.
There is one place we won’t search any more. After countless times of being misgendered, a transgender friend of mine asked a staff member there if it was malicious.
The staff member, with a smirk, quipped back that she would never be malicious as she works in retail.
We call this a micro-aggression, and people in our community face thousands of them in the course of our lives.
It’s difficult and insipid. They occur everywhere we go, and in everything we do. Work, home, out and about, wherever.
My partner and I recently joined a lucky few young people who have been able to purchase a house (with much, much support) in today’s economy.
This has meant many trips to Dunedin’s hardware stores. When we go to these places we are met with countless stares.
We experience the same thing when we visit suburbs such as Mosgiel. I often feel like a creature from an alien planet in these places.
Situations like these mean that I am wary of all new people, and many places across the city. I know many queer people in this city who also feel very unwelcome in many of the spaces they go to.
We also experience macro-aggressions in Dunedin. A couple of years ago a woman attacked my partner and me in a restaurant based on our appearances.
No-one in the restaurant helped us. It was humiliating.
After she left, a well-meaning man told us that he was sorry and that Dunedin was not like this. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it is like this.
The police gave the woman a warning, and I’ve since found out that she’s attacked other queer people with no repercussions from the police. I wonder how badly she will have to attack one of us for the police to take it seriously.
Truthfully, it feels like there’s no support for our community from the police or the council. We are a large and strong community, we support each other and approach other groups with compassion and understanding.
I know that homophobia and transphobia are rooted in a lack of understanding. We did not choose these lives, but we are proud to be who we are. We exist everywhere, and we always have.
I choose to believe that the wonderful LGBTQIA+ people I know are stronger than the strongest rugby player that you know. Why? Because they constantly face and overcome struggles that many straight people couldn’t even imagine, then they get back up and keeping moving forwards.
As a community, you, Dunedin, can do better. Give us a smile, support us, acknowledge our strength and courage and make us feel welcome.
• The author of this piece has requested anonymity, which the ODT has agreed to.
