No, it wouldn't even get that far. It probably wouldn't even qualify.
Because what we've seen from Christopher Luxon in relation to the Sam Uffindell situation shows just how shameful Labour has been in failing to deal with one of its own MPs who - currently - is the most powerful person in Parliament.
Ever since news broke of Sam Uffindell's history of bullying when he was at boarding school and the subsequent developments with a former flatmate from his university days saying he was a piece of work to live with, there's been a lot of "what about so-and-so" conversations on-air and online.
And that "so-and-so" that people have been talking about is Speaker and Labour MP Trevor Mallard.
In my honest opinion, the way Trevor Mallard has conducted himself - particularly in his role running Parliament (not just in the debating chamber but running the whole complex), he has shown himself to be nothing short of a bully.
There was all the stuff about the parliamentary staffer and, more recently, there was his utterly embarrassing antics during the anti-mandate protest outside Parliament with the loudspeakers and water sprinklers.
But what has Labour done about it? Absolutely nothing.
They're moving him on - just like King's College moved Sam Uffindell on after that vicious assault on the 3rd former in the dormitory back in 1999. And Mallard's off to Ireland where he will suddenly get all diplomatic on it.
But Labour's had numerous opportunities to call him out for being a bully but it has refused time and time again. As I say, its handling of Mallard has been shameful.
Particularly when you compare that to how National is dealing with the Uffindell situation. Late on Tuesday night, Christopher Luxon put out a statement saying the Tauranga MP was being stood down from caucus because of what Luxon said were "very concerning" allegations and that an investigation would be done by Maria Dew QC.
I think Uffindell needs to resign as an MP full-stop. But that's completely up to him because, as an electorate MP, it's only the voters who can fire him. National is stuck with him as long as he refuses to resign.
So Christopher Luxon's done the next best thing - the only thing - and stood him down while this investigation is carried out.
This is clever politically because, with an investigation on the cards, he can quite rightly avoid any further interrogation on the matter - for a couple of weeks anyway - because there is now a formal process in place and why would he want to jeopardise that by talking publicly about it? So a good political move.
I also think it's smart given this latest allegation involves a former female flatmate from Uffindell's days as a student at Otago University - who is alleging that he could get out of control on booze and drugs and that she was scared stiff of him.
She's alleging he was verbally aggressive, would trash the place after using drugs and alcohol and, on one occasion, she had to climb out of her bedroom window and go to a friend's place because he was banging on her door yelling all sorts of obscenities.
And, as Christopher Luxon told Mike Hosking, as a father with a daughter flatting, he'd want the thing fully investigated and that's what's going to happen.
And myself, with a daughter flatting at university, I'd be exactly the same. And I bet there'll be other parents up and down the country who would've heard Luxon say that and think "yep, I'm with you on that one mate".
As for Uffindell himself, he's saying he did drink and smoke weed at university but he's denying that he was intimidating or bullying in the flat. This is the guy, though, who told Newstalk ZB this week there was nothing else that could come out. So, we'll let the QC try and work out who's telling the truth.
Nevertheless, I think Christopher Luxon has done the right thing here standing-down Uffindell. He kind of hid it yesterday when he was on the radio, but Luxon will be fuming about this. And he should be.
Because not only has he been let down by his new MP, but he's also been let down big time by his own party which left him completely in the dark over all this.
But Luxon has shown that he's in charge of the situation now. And good on him.
- By John MacDonald, Canterbury Mornings host on Newstalk ZB Christchurch
