Saatisfactioon guaranteed, read the latest email to arrive in my inbox from Sannella Postal.
I love mmy babe, wrote Hollyday. I love my babbe, wrote Feely Clock.
Where do they find these names? Chances are that I am not the only person receiving the new wave of spam.
What really annoys me, is that despite having every protection known to man on my home computer, I am receiving spam at work from ME.
My private email address has been captured by someone.
So for all of you who have received emails from me and thought that finally, Mackenzie has lost his mind, it is not true.
The Symantec Spam Report, which arrived by email with another wave of spam, said that although the new year was a time for resolutions, it was clear spammers had not yet resolved to give up the spam war.
Recent spam volumes indicated spam had slowly crept back up to 80% of their pre-McColo shut down levels.
Remember, we all cheered when United States authorities clamped down on spammers and shut down one of the most prolific organisations of unsolicited email.
After the shutdown of McColo, which allegedly aided the distribution of about half of all Internet spam globally, spam volumes dropped significantly.
Those memories seem distant now.
A disturbing graphic presented by Symantec showed a sharp rise from November 25 in the level of spam. It continues to rise.
The balance has shifted, with Internet email attacks overtaking both health and financial spam.
The Internet attacks specifically offer or advertise Internet or computer-related goods and services.
I have subscribed for years to two Internet security companies, regularly receiving their updates and sometimes buying products.
Now, I am wary even of those emails, because the latest emails, purporting to be from two New Zealand banks wanting me to update my details, look so convincing.
Leisure attacks, which offer or advertise prizes, awards or discounted leisure activities such as discounted holidays, make up the second largest category of spam this month, with health attacks coming in third.
The health spam has been highlighted in the Symantec hall of shame this month.
This spam category generally includes pharmaceutical products that could be obtained legally by visiting a pharmacy.
It was a bit of a surprise to see another meds attack, something which would normally attract the attention of law authorities.
"Subject: LSD (best for home party, enjoy with best friends)."
More than a quarter of all spam still originates in the US, with China and Brazil tied at equal second with 7% each.
South Korea is fourth, Russia is fifth and Turkey is sixth.
Australia and New Zealand do not appear on the spam monitor but no doubt some of it originates from Down Under.
The rise in popularity of social networking sites have given spammers a new outlet.
I do not think I will be the only person receiving messages from "friends" wanting me to join them on this or that site.
On Wednesday of last week, I received 10 invitations - all from people I had previously been in email contact with.
Facebook seems to be the target this month but various other sites have received spammer attention.
If I ever find LindanzRebel who "sends you love and kisses", we are going to have a very serious conversation.
Last week, I spent an hour poring over my computer determined to find out how my email had been hijacked.
I scanned and checked, scanned and checked. No emails from me today promising things I know I can never deliver.
Fingers crossed.
