If largesse is any part of good manners, let's have more of it, writes Liz Breslin
Manners maketh the man. So wrote William Horman, headmaster at Eton during the early 1500s. And so said both Harry and Eggsy in the Black Prince pub in that brilliant movie, Kingsman: the Secret Service. Harry being very aristocratic and Eggsy definitely not so, innit, if you know what I mean, like, totes.
Though it's also said that the clothes don't make the man, it's undeniable that snappy dressing opens doors. And while we can't all afford an Eton education, good manners are free. And at least as valuable as a Savile Row suit. It's not just minding your ps and qs, using your fork to transfer food to your spoon (as is polite in Thailand) or not chopping up your salad any smaller than it's been given to you (French etiquette, that one, innit), although an awareness of these will endear you to the wider world. An added benefit for family life is that other things apart from table manners get talked about at the table. There are better topics of conversation than ''I'm going to Sellotape the knife and fork to your hands unless you learn to use them properly. Seriously''.
Well-used manners will take you far. As Harry says to Eggsy, and Hemingway said first, ''There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self''. Less snobbery, more self-improvement, then.
Yes, the concept of being noble is a bit 14th century, for sure, but I like the idea that we can all better ourselves by being our best selves and being better to others.
When I was younger and foolisher, I took exception to people's demonstrations of thoughtfulness and good manners. When a man held open a door for me, I felt affronted: doesn't he know my limbs aren't just for getting akimbo during childbirth and baking things and bringing cups of tea? I can open a door you know. How very dare he.
I'm over that now. I no longer believe that feminism and chivalry are mutually exclusive. People can take other people out to dinner, open doors for them, stand up on public transport to offer a seat. As long as manners are allowed to maketh the woman as well and I'm also allowed to open the doors. Good manners are about respect for yourself and awareness of others, above the niceties of where your elbows go when the little fork is being raised.
If you think this sounds like something that belongs back in William Horman's time, try it some time. It's deceptively simple how great it can make both mannerer and manneree feel.
Bring back chivalry I say. I checked out the 11th century chivalric commandments, as defined and summarised by Leon Gautier in the 1800s. A bit more modern than manners maketh the man, perhaps. Or older. Or timeless. I like. Not necessarily the bit about defending the Church and attacking the infidel. There's well enough of that going on as it is, and I have a suspicion it's not good manners to talk about that in mixed company, as we are. But loving your country, keeping your word, defending the weak - they're all good. I particularly also like the idea of ''giving largesse to everyone''.
Even saying the word largesse, even typing it, makes me feel magnanimous. Yes, me and my largesse are opening this door for you. Please, let me largessely give up my seat. Darling, I am going to show you my great patience and largesse and not Sellotape your fork to your hands at the dinner table today.
See how very well-mannered I am.
