Bradley Scott has probably heard them all by now.
The experienced Otago left-armer was struck in the face while playing in a one-dayer against Auckland last week.
He had one tooth smashed in half and another dislodged when Tarun Nethula clubbed a length delivery back at him ''with a bit of interest''.
The 35-year-old had a split second to defend himself and reckons he managed to get a finger in the way before the ball clattered into his jaw.
His team-mates were faced with the sickening yet strangely comical sight of Scott trying to reach the side of the pitch so he would not bleed on the wicket.
That's Scott - he is always thinking of the team.
''I've got to the side and I've just spat all the blood out,'' Scott said.
''I think it was a bit worse for everybody else than it was for me. There was a lot of blood and it happened right at the end of [Auckland's] innings, so it was pretty tough for the guys to go in and bat.
''That probably explains our top order having their only failure so far. I think they were all a bit spooked, to be honest.''
Scott went straight to hospital and has since had dental work. He thinks he must have swallowed one tooth while the half of the other one is in the possession of the team physiotherapists.
He has stitches - perhaps five or six - below his lower lip and some discomfort but is otherwise in good spirits. He hopes to practise today.
''I was pretty lucky,'' he said.
''I was there when Wazza [Warren McSkimming] did his jaw, so it could have been way worse.''
McSkimming had his jaw broken when he was hit in the face by the ball during a twenty/20 match against Northern Districts in Invercargill in 2006.
McSkimming and Scott formed a potent duo for Otago from 2001 until Scott transferred to Northern Districts in 2008. Scott said his old buddy had been in touch to offer his support.
While the Volts lost to Auckland by 97 runs, they have perhaps surprised with their form in the one-day competition. They have won three of their four games.
Seamer Jacob Duffy has emerged from a tough patch and is the leading wicket-taker with 13 notches in the column.
All-rounder Sam Wells has returned from a calf injury and struck some impressive form. He has seven wickets and has done a great job opening the batting in the absence of Hamish Rutherford.
Nathan McCullum scored a maiden one-day hundred against Wellington in Queenstown and, together with Wells, is among the most frugal bowlers in the competition.
It is early days for 18-year-old Josh Finnie but he has played some impressive cameos and was calm under pressure during the last-over thriller against Northern Districts in Mt Maunganui on Sunday. His undefeated innings of 18 from nine deliveries helped seal the five-wicket win.
And Michael Bracewell has just continued on his wonderful form. Wells and McCullum have more runs so far this season but Bracewell gets his runs at a stunning clip. He swatted 83 from 48 and boasts a strike rate of 130-plus.
''I think there was a bit of determination after our twenty20 performance, to be honest,'' Scott said.
''I don't think we performed as well as we would have liked in that and perhaps we are just developing a bit more confidence.
''We are playing as a team, too, with different people stepping up each game.''
Otago's next assignment is against Wellington in Dunedin on Saturday.
