David, when I heard your response to TJ Perenara’s haka I simply could not get this image out of my mind (and you are about to become our next deputy prime minister.)
I thought it was interesting that your advice to TJ was that he should stick to what he knows and leave the politics to you.
You also added a little snide remark that it would have been nice if TJ and the All Blacks had focused on scoring more points.
David, have you never heard the phrase "Pot calling kettle black"?
Not only did you demonstrate to the whole country during Dancing with the Stars that you were well out of your lane when it came to "sticking to what you knew", you also lost.
The snide person in me might say you were a loser. That’s definitely not something that could be said about TJ in his field of expertise.
So let’s see how you got into politics, compared with how TJ got into the All Blacks.
You got into politics in 2014 by having the then prime minister, John Key, endorse you above his own candidate, Paul Goldsmith, because both you and the PM knew Goldsmith would get in anyway under the party vote.
The cynic in me would suggest you rorted the system.
Jeez mate. Under those circumstances, I could have been halfback for the All Blacks.
Then came the doozy: "I represent people in a democracy, so that is important."
You got into Parliament in a democracy where you got 8.64% of the vote. That’s 246,473 votes out of the total 2,888,453 votes that were cast.
Given your skill set at taking words in te reo and turning them into English for the common people to understand — let me do that for you with that number.
The figure 2,888,453 is two million, eight hundred and eighty eight thousand, four hundred and fifty-three or, put another way, that’s two million, six hundred and forty-one thousand, nine hundred and eighty of us that you do not represent.
A simplistic interpretation I know but, arguably, no less simplistic then your interpretation of the Treaty ō Waitangi. (See how I did that — English and Māori.)
Now comes the good bit.
If TJ had performed as badly as you did, fourth out of six parties in government, yes, he might probably still be in the team, but at best he would expect to be on the bench.
You, David, simply had to hold your breath, and tell the selector at the time if you didn’t get to play the key role of halfback, you were taking your ball and going home.
Because the selector wasn’t bold enough to bench you he is now the one sitting on the bench watching you control the debate, with the advantage that all you are looking to do is lift that minority percentage you currently have a couple of points at the next election and your taxpayer-funded salary is guaranteed for another three years.
Unlike the salaries of all of the public servants you are laying off just before Christmas.
■Sir Ian Taylor is founder and managing director of Dunedin company Animation Research.
