You can feel Holly Robinson’s passion for her sport when she speaks.
It would have been a life-altering decision if the 29-year-old had decided she was ready to step away completely after her fourth Paralympics.
But retiring did cross her mind.
"You talk to me November, December last year — Paris, I’m done. That’s it," Robinson said.
Winning a shot put silver at the world championships in May — where she produced an Oceania record throw of 12.25m — proved to her that she still had more to give.
"It was the big shifting point in my decision-making on whether I was going to carry on."
Another athlete also pointed out she would not be able to compete forever, which made her think that maybe she was rushing her decision.
Battling through injuries, including a small calf tear from the national championships in March, and addressing her self-doubt speaks to the person Robinson has become.
"I’m really proud of that, actually."
Robinson went on to win bronze in the shot put and finished sixth in the javelin at the Paralympics.
She was elated to reach the shot put podium in Paris, the first time two throwing events had been included in her F46 classification since the 2011 world championships.
"I was pretty stoked with the bronze.
"I didn’t really put on a performance like we had sort of thought.
"But it was sitting there. It just didn’t click on the day and sometimes, with technical events, that’s just how it is, to be honest."
Wearing a pink bib — signalling she was the defending champion — and knowing it would be her final time throwing the javelin added to her heightened emotions.
After discussing with her sports psychologist living in the moment, and focusing on what she could control, Robinson felt settled.
"I think if I hadn’t had that conversation with him, I would have really struggled during the competition."
She finished sixth after producing five fouls, and while it was not the end she envisioned, watching the rest of her competitors gave Robinson a memory she will hold forever.
"I thought about the times where it was just me, and the other Hollie [Arnold], and that was us for a long time.
"We fought for our sport. We fought to keep our event on the calendar, we fought to prove it and I sort of thought, ‘this is the next generation’.
"It was almost really nice to sit there and be, like, this is my chance to hand it over, and know it’s in good hands."
Looking back on Paris, Robinson had plenty to process, and while there was the initial disappointment, she now reflects fondly on the experience.
"I have reflected on how proud I am in terms of the really challenging times I’ve had recently," Robinson said.
"I had injury after injury ... for my team to sort of put me together and get me there is a feat in itself, I think.
"When I really look back, that’s sport. It’s what you can do on the day and unfortunately I wasn’t able to pull it out."
She also had to deal with unfavourable comments online after her javelin and reminded people reaching the Paralympics was "an achievement in itself".
"I had to connect a lot to that because there was a lot of average comments.
"We all have disappointments. People don’t know what — not just me, but every athlete — goes through behind the scenes.
"I’m very set in my values and the things that I believe in. I love my sport, I do it because I love it and because I really want to push the boundaries of my sport.
"Connecting back to those are really important during those s... times."
Robinson has spent the past few months putting her feet up.
It has been a much-needed break for the Taieri athlete, who planned to return to training this month if she was ready.
"I was shattered mentally, and physically, after Paris.
"As much as I loved the experience — incredible experience — I just needed a little bit of time to wind down. That’s why I’ve said I’ll give myself two months."
It was the best thing she could have done.
It gave her time to reset before she figured out what "shot put Holly" looks like.
"We have a lot to gain in that area. We haven’t really been able to just focus on shot put."
She is in for a big 18 months, building the technical side of her throws as she aims for the future.
Taking a break also allowed her to evaluate her life outside of competing, which led her to taking up a part-time role as Athletics Otago development officer.
"I came away from Paris really reflecting on that I didn’t have a lot going on outside of my sport and it was something I was missing.
"When this job came up ... I was really excited because athletics has given a lot to me, so it’s my chance to sort of give back to our community in a much-needed space as well.
"For myself, it’s going to be a new challenge, something that I can really grow in and something I’m quite excited about."
Athletics provided the fundamentals for all sports and Robinson wanted to aid keeping athletes involved for as long as possible.
"Sport is changing and so athletics needs to change with it. If we don’t, there could be some hard times down the track.
"We’re seeing a lot more sports on offer for our young people, so we are losing some people from athletics to those others sports.
"I love that kids play lots of sports — don’t get me wrong — but in our space, what can we really do to entice those people to come join us?"
She hoped to support athletes and host new initiatives to reinvigorate the sport.
"I think we have a really big growth period we can work through if we get it right, which is really exciting."
Hosting the national track and field championships next March was a coup and will allow athletes to see Olympic champions up close.
"We really want to create lots of excitement around that, so that, not just the athletes coming down have a really great event, but we can also inspire that next generation."
Robinson had no intention of stepping back either and looked forward to competing on her home ground.
She hoped her shot put classification would be included in the scaled-back Commonwealth Games in Glasgow and the Paralympics in Los Angeles was already on her horizon.
"That’s definitely on the cards for me."
