When David attempted suicide in the early hours of Christmas Day 2019, aged just 33, he was thinking his life insurance was worth more than his life.
Anxious about family finances and his debilitating back condition, he locked himself in his parked car and tried to kill himself.
His wife, Nicola, was half asleep but heard footsteps and got up. Finding him already slumped in the car passenger seat, she took an axe to a window, but couldn’t break the glass, so dialled emergency services.
"If it wasn’t for her being quick, I wouldn’t be here. That day weighs heavily on me. Not that I failed — I’m happy I did not die. It is knowing that I put her through that," David says.
Nicola told their two children, Mark and Daisy, aged 10 and 9 at the time, that Dad had become ill. The children still don’t know what happened that day.
David believes his suicide attempt had a silver lining — it gave him an understanding of the importance of talking to family and friends, who help him cope through tough times — including now. Since January last year, David has been unable to work because of his back condition, at a time when he says "we should have been getting ahead in life".
His unemployment, plus hikes in the cost of living, have placed the family in significant financial difficulty and needing the help of charity.
Nicola, now 38, started working full-time when David stopped work last year — she previously worked part-time in her food industry job. The family quickly realised, however, their ability to manage their finances was being hit by two things — hikes in the cost of living combined with a 25% drop in their income from $100,000 a year when they were both earning down to a reliance on Nicola’s $75,000 wage. They are now struggling to make ends meet.
"My strength is everything. If I have to lie down and say I give up, I will be defeated. I am confident I will keep my job but if I had an injury we would be screwed," Nicola says.
David and Nicola, who have been together since they were teenagers, feel lucky to have kept their 1970s brick home, which they have re-mortgaged. However, they will not be mortgage free until they are nearly in their 70s.
"It is depressing — but we have heard about people who have lost their homes," David says.
After paying the fortnightly instalments of $1100 on their $361,000 mortgage, plus household bills and essentials such as school uniforms, it is hard to afford food. The family has used a foodbank, particularly at Christmas, but try to limit their use as they "know there are people worse off than us".
The family qualifies for the Work and Income accommodation supplement, which gives them just $43 a week, but have found no other benefits they can access.
David’s back was crushed by an accident at work in his 20s. He uses crutches and a wheelchair, is in constant pain, and cannot lie flat — he has to sleep in a reclining chair. His latest ACC claim, after multiple claims over the years, was turned down on the basis his worsening condition was degenerative and because of age, despite the fact he is only 37. He has been waiting more than a year to find out from an orthopaedic surgeon if an operation will help.
As well as David’s disability, their son Mark, now 13, has autism and high-level support needs. Daisy, now 12, suffers from anxiety and depression and has self-harmed; she has also suffered from Mark lashing out in the past. The family has struggled to access publicly funded counsellors for her.
When asked what the family is doing for self care, Nicola laughs gently and says they are "failing miserably — we don’t have the money nor the means to go anywhere nor do anything — as David cannot walk, getting him out the house is difficult".
The couple say they used to holiday in Central Otago and had dreams of owning a caravan.
David’s goal now is to make it as far as the local swimming pool. A social worker, provided by the charity Presbyterian Support Otago, is encouraging him to try it. The social worker visits their home and suggests ideas to occupy David — and brings baking and fresh vegetables, supermarket vouchers, and Christmas presents from the local church.
Social anxiety, caused by isolation, is making it hard for him to agree to the swimming pool visit, although he says he is warming to the idea.
"I think to myself ‘I don’t want to see anyone’ — but then when I don’t avoid people, it is good. My social worker keeps me sane — having someone there to listen is so important."
Nicola describes the charity’s support as "just amazing". On the day she reached out to the charity she says her family was at breaking point.
"I found them on a website and thought, ‘I know we are not special, but what have we got to lose?’. They called me within 24 hours, I broke down and they came through for us — we couldn’t manage without them and our closest friends."
When asked if they worry about the stigma of financial troubles, they agree that went out the window a long time ago.
"It is just reality now. We are alive but treading water with our heads just above it."
— all names changed
If you need help
Healthline: 0800 611 116
Lifeline Aotearoa: 0800 543 354
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Samaritans: 0800 726 666
Alcohol Drug Helpline: 0800 787 797
General mental health inquiries: 0800 443 366
The Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757
Homecare Medical: 24-hour 1737 free text/phone
Youthline: 0800 376 633, txt 234 or talk@youthline.co.nz
What's Up (for 5-18 year olds; 1pm-11pm): 0800 942 8787
Kidsline (aimed at children up to age 14; 4pm-6pm weekdays): 0800 54 37 54 (0800 kidsline)
