Santa Claus Village at the Arctic Circle in Finland is surely one of the greatest destinations in the world for lovers of all things Christmassy, as AAP travel writer Leah McLennan discovered.
I'm going to have a tete-a-tete with the big man. That's Santa, not God, of course.
I'm in a long line of visitors waiting my turn to meet the fat, jolly man himself.
Santa is wrapped in layers of red felt, as expected, and has what looks like a just-washed sheep draped around his face.
He's sitting on a tiny, three-legged wooden stool that has mostly disappeared under his large buttocks and bulging thighs.
On either side he's flanked by four giant elf folk, who look like the Wiggles but with Christmas trimmings and pointy ears.
Outside this wooden hut at the Santa Claus Village in Rovaniemi - the official hometown of Santa in the north of Finland - there are Christmas trees laden with baubles, reindeer with names like Rudolf and husky puppies curled up inside teepees trying to keep warm.
If one can't get into the Christmas spirit here then there really is no hope.
The English couple in front of me take their turn chatting with Santa.
In a moment I will get to meet the man I've travelled from Australia to see.
My grandma once told me that the real Santa could speak all the languages of the world so he could understand all children.
Instead of pulling down his beard to check if he's the real Santa, I'll conduct a speech test.
There are more than 2700 languages in the world and hundreds more dialects so the real Santa must be very clever indeed.
Suddenly, it's my turn.
"Hyvaa paivaa, mita kuuluu?" I say in Finnish (Hello, how are you?).
"Kiitos hyvaa," he replies (Good, thank you).
"Tanaan on kylma." Yikes. I'm only seconds into the conversation and already I'm lost.
I switch to English. I tell him that I'm from Australia and in English he asks me what I want for Christmas.
I reel off a list of items. Santa smiles from one side of his beard to the other and assures me I will get everything I desire in good time.
Before I can interrogate him further my time is up.
I stand to the side while a Japanese boy takes top spot next to Santa.
"Konnichiwa," he says.
"Hello," Santa replies.
"Ogenki desu ka?" Santa appears confused. He falters.
"Sorry, you will need to speak in English," Santa says.
"My apologies but I can't speak Japanese."
Busted, I think to myself. This Santa is not the real deal.
That beard is a fake and that tummy did look far too soft.
I decide not to declare in front of the children that this Santa is an imposter and instead wander off to the gift shops.
No doubt the real Santa is at his home on Korvatunturi (Ear Mountain), in eastern Finnish Lapland.
At the main post office at the Santa Claus Village I ask if the giant elf folk know the exact location of Santa's house on Ear Mountain.
The young man behind the desk grins and replies that he does not know.
"The elf folk have kept the exact location of his home on the mountain a secret for many years," he says.
"If you want to find out you'll have to learn elf language."
Oh dear, I'm having enough trouble with Finnish, let alone elf language.
Well, I'll just have to wait until Christmas to meet the real Santa.
I will try to catch him when he squeezes down my chimney on the night of December 24.
IF YOU GO
When to go: Santa Claus Village (www.santaclausvillage.info) is 8km from Rovaniemi, the capital of Lapland in Finland.
The village is open all year round (9am to 7pm in peak summer and winter periods and 10am to 5pm all other times).
Getting there:
By air: Finnair (www.finnair.com) and Norwegian Air (www.norwegian.com) fly to Rovaniemi from Helsinki, London and various other cities throughout Europe.
By train and bus: Train travel in Finland is easy, affordable and comfortable. The overnight train from Helsinki to Rovaniemi has day-seats or sleeping-cars in one, two or three-person compartments (children aged 10 and under travel for free with a parent in the same sleeping compartment). A bus departs once an hour every day for the Santa Claus Village.
Alternatively, hire a car in Rovaniemi. For train bookings: www.vr.fi.
More: www.visitrovaniemi.fi
www.visitfinland.com
Top five experiences in Finnish Lapland
See the northern lights
According to Nasa, this winter is set to be the best for catching the northern lights for 50 years. In Rovaniemi the northern lights (aurora borealis) can be seen on average every third clear night from October until March.
Experience the midnight sun
The period of the midnight sun in Rovaniemi (when the sun shines all night) is from June 6 to July 7. You can admire this phenomenon every night if it's not cloudy.
Pat reindeer
There are more reindeer than people in Finnish Lapland. It's possible to see them in the wild, but the easiest way to spot them is to join one of the many nature trips on offer in Rovaniemi.
Eat local cuisine
Try local cuisine such as whitefish, moose and reindeer at one of the restaurants in Rovaniemi (such as Lapland Hotel, Sky Ounasvaara or Restaurant Gaissa at Hotel Santa Claus).
Cuddle a polar bear
Only joking. There are no wild polar bears in Lapland because they live in parts of Russia, Alaska and the arctic areas of Canada, Greenland, Spitzbergen and Middle Siberia.
