In my last column (The Mix July 30), I started to take a look at common ways thoughts hijack thinking.
These cognitive distortions can contribute to making everyday life hard work and downright unpleasant.
Here’s a quick recap of the first four we looked at:
• All or nothing thinking: everything is black and white, there are no shades of grey
• Overgeneralisation: when we take something that has gone wrong and decide that everything else will go wrong too
• Mental filter: usually a negative filter that focuses on something that has upset or annoyed us and dwell on it and dwell on it, turning it over and over in our minds
• Disqualifying the positive: when we take the good things that happen to us and turn them into a negative
Did you notice any popping up in your thinking during the past two weeks?
Here are the other six common cognitive distortions. Do they appear in any of your reactions and responses?
JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
One way of getting some exercise, but not a very good one!
You make a negative interpretation even though you don’t have all the facts or information to convincingly support your conclusion. You may not have any facts or information.
There are two main ways we jump to conclusions: "Mind reading", when you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out, and "The Fortune Teller Error", when you anticipate things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an established fact.
To help avoid jumping to conclusions, ask yourself what information you need to figure out what’s happening and then set about getting it.
CATASTROPHISING
Sometimes we think things are much worse than they actually are.
Often we think of people who use this distortion as "drama queens".
For example, if you fall short on meeting your financial goals one month you may think "I’m going to end up bankrupt" or if you find a little oil leak from your car you think "the whole engine is going to seize and I’ll be without a car and I can’t afford another", even though there’s no evidence that the situation is anywhere near that dire.
It can be easy to get swept up into catastrophising a situation once your thoughts become negative.
When you begin predicting doom and gloom, remind yourself there are many other less dramatic potential outcomes.
It may even help to write them down.
EMOTIONAL REASONING
Our emotions aren’t always based on reality but we often assume they are.
If you’re worried about changing your job, you might assume "If I’m this scared about it, I just shouldn’t change jobs".
Or, you may be tempted to assume, "If I feel like a loser, I must be a loser."
You assume that your negative emotions reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
It’s essential to understand that our emotions, just like our thoughts, aren’t always based on facts; they can be a bit wonky!
"SHOULD" STATEMENTS
You try to motivate yourself with "shoulds" and "shouldn’ts", as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything.
"Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders.
The emotional consequence is guilt.
"I should exercise."
Really, should you?
There are no hard and fast "shoulds" and "shouldn’ts" in life.
It all depends on your circumstances.
Investigate what would be most beneficial for you and then do your best to act accordingly.
Try replacing should and shouldn’t with could/couldn’t or might/might not. Treat yourself with some compassion.
LABELLING
This is an extreme form of overgeneralisation. If you make a mistake (and we all do) instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I’m a loser."
When someone else’s behaviour rubs you up the wrong way, you attach a negative label to them: "they’re such a louse."
Labelling involves describing an event with language that is highly emotive and emotionally loaded.
Labelling people and experiences places them into categories that are often based on a single incident.
We’ll often get annoyed when others label us.
Notice when you try to categorise things and work to avoid placing mental labels on everything.
PERSONALISATION
You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not responsible for.
This distortion is a major trigger for self-blame.
An example is when you feel responsible for whether people have a good time when you’re with them. You’re not!
To counter this cognitive distortion, try putting things in perspective.
Identify what you actually control in this life.
You certainly don’t control what other people are thinking, feeling or how they behave.
You only have control over your thoughts, feelings and behaviour.
All you can do is act with kindness and care for yourself and others. The rest is out of your control.
Before we can counter these distortions we have to know they are part of our thinking.
So, be aware of your self-talk (see www.fitforlifecoaches.co.nz/head-gremlins-taming-the-monster-within/), what does the conversation you have with yourself sound like?
Learn what thinking serves you well and what doesn’t. Do more of what does and less of what doesn’t.
We probably shouldn’t be surprised that the mind is so good at distorted thinking. Buddhist teacher Bhante Gunaratana comments "Your mind is a shrieking, gibbering madhouse on wheels ... No problem."
Bhante’s slightly humorous perspective can help us to hold these distortions a little more lightly and to not blame ourselves when they make an appearance.
Once you recognise your thinking errors, you can begin trying to challenge those thoughts.
The goal doesn’t need to be to replace negative thoughts with overly idealistic or "Pollyanna" positive ones. Instead, replace them with realistic thoughts.
As Amy Morin (an internationally recognised expert on mental strength) sensibly says "changing the way you think takes a lot of effort initially, but with practice, you’ll notice big changes, not just in the way you think, but also in the way you feel and behave. You can make peace with the past, look at the present differently, and think about the future in a way that will support your chances of reaching your goals".
That seems like something worth giving a go.
- Jan Aitken is a Dunedin-based life coach.
For more go to www.fitforlifecoaches.co.nz.
Twitter:@jan—aitken
