It’s a dreadful evening for training at Hornby’s Leslie Park home ground – the rain is bucketing down, making both ball and field slick and slippery.
My first act is to try and kick a goal from the sideline. As a footballer, it’s the one thing I thought I could do well, but my shot falls miserably short although the direction was good.
After a short warm-up we get into some passing drills, running up and down the field.
Sounds easy? I thought so.
Copping a shoulder in the cheek on my first run makes me regret my decision not to bother with a mouthguard.
I fear for my teeth if I take another heavy hit and I’m thankful to have the soft, muddy ground to cushion my fall.
Even in the pouring rain, the standard was clear – sharp runs, crisp passes and total focus for the duration of the drills.
Except, of course, for the one guy who didn’t know where to stand or run or what position he was playing. That’s me, in case it wasn’t clear.
It’s an unusual feeling – I’m used to running around on a muddy field, but this is with ball in hand rather than at feet.
The Panthers were going through attacking formations and moves in preparation for their match, a repeat of last season’s grand final with the Halswell Hornets, but with calls of “wedge”, “China”, and “diamond” around me, I am dumbfounded.
Hooker Kyan Rosie throws me a lifeline: “Just run it up,” he says, tossing me the ball.
I obey, only to sprint straight into a brick wall.
In the end, the only bruise is to my ego after feeling mostly useless for the best part of 90-minutes.
I make it out alive with no broken bones, all my teeth intact, and a whole new respect for those who spend their Saturdays smashing into each other and rolling in mud.
I’ll take that as a win – my influence clearly inspired the Panthers, who won their next game 22-12.
- Next time Coughlan finds out what it’s like to train with top football club Christchurch United.
