They just won't go away.
They are like the mother-in-law who lives in the basement.
An under-strength Harbour accounted for Green Island at "Geese Park'' to confirm a spot in the semis in six weeks' time.
Varsity also confirmed a semi spot by comfortably dispatching Southern and still sits top by one point.
Taieri finally chalked up a "win'' with an average display against AU but it is still three points out of the four.
AU is still devastated by injury and sits second-bottom.
Dunedin nearly racked up 60 over Zingari to sit third by four, but can't get out of a "crocodile death roll'' for the bottom two spots in the four.
Kissing your sister
So Harbour and Zingari are going to sign a letter of intent to discuss merging their teams below premier.
This is like kissing your sister, or an interminable DCC budget meeting - nothing gets resolved.
Is it just me, or does this make no sense?
Harbour has a prem 2 side sitting sixth, and half an open grade side combined with GI. Zingari has a prem 2 side sitting last in the comp, which has defaulted a couple of times already this year.
It also has a mid-table junior colts side. So by combining, what do they achieve?
Not much, on the face of it.
A prem 2 side of similar quality to the Harbour side, perhaps a senior side and one colts team.
Then the conundrum, if both prem sides need players because of injuries, who gets whom and who has first call?
Do you bring in the Ombudsman to sort it out?
Think about it from a player perspective - which club am I loyal to?
What jersey am I playing for? What socks do I wear this week?
Answer - it's too hard, I'm off to play for Southern.
Is the new name of this team Port Chalmers, Ravensbourne, Zingari-Richmond?
Now that is a mouthful - bags not commentate on that game!!
Good luck on your discussions - but if you want my advice don't!
Concentrate all your efforts on getting competitive prem colt sides for both clubs.
The machinations
So what is the make-up of the four in six weeks?
Varsity and Harbour have already made it as 50 points gets you in safely.
Dunedin (37), Kaik (33), Southern (30), Taieri (30) and GI (29) all still have a chance of making it.
Dunedin has to play Varsity, Taieri, AU, GI and Pirates. Kaik has to play GI, Harbour, Zingari, Taieri and Varsity.
Taieri has to play Southern, Dunedin, GI, Kaik and Harbour. GI has to play Kaik, Zingari, Taieri, Dunedin and Southern.
So what does all this mean?
Dunedin should make it as it has only Varsity and Taieri and possibly GI as serious threats. Kaik has Harbour, Varsity, and Taieri as serious threats, so may struggle.
Southern has only Taieri and Harbour as serious threats, so should finish third.
Taieri just won't make it.
GI just won't make it.
So in summary, Southern and Dunedin to make it, with Kaik as the bolter.
Take it to the bank.
Form fifteen
I've been remiss in not publishing one for the last few weeks as they don't give me enough space, but here it is.
(15) Sam Aitken (V), (14) Gavin Stark (V), (11) Matt Jones (K), (13) Shae Tucker (V), (12) Jayden Spence (K), (10) Stephen Fenemor (V), (9) Kaide Whiting (V), (8) Sione Teu (V), (7) Hame Toma (D), (6) Dillon Hunt (V), (5) Mark Grieve-Dunn (D), (4) Josh Dickson (V), (3) Donald Brighouse (D), (3) Ricky Hollamby (GI), (1) Mike Mata'afa (S) yes there is a protuberance of Varsity players in here, but they're in because they always win.
The fullbacks, inside backs, halves all need to step up in town!
Other grades
What is happening in prem 2s and prem colts?
In prem 2s, perennial winner Varsity is top of the table, but is joined there by surprise packet Kaik, coached by "Big Crawfie'' and they are two points clear of Friday night specialist Eastern.
There is a dogfight for the other two spots in the four, between Dunedin, Taieri and Harbour, but this comp doesn't finish until Labour Weekend, so don't panic!
In prem colts, surprisingly, Taieri is seven points clear, with only one loss.
Varsity and Dunedin are joint second and Southland Boys' one point behind.
Southern and AU the only other possible hopes for the four.
The word is Southland Boys' don't want to make the four (should the Metro Committee be concerned about this in this age of match-fixing?). So at this stage, Varsity and Dunedin should make it with Southern and AU fighting out fourth.
But don't panic, it's early days. And this comp also finishes at Labour Weekend.
Other musings
I see Chris Hart, the ref's head honcho is now appointing himself to women's games - Harty, is this the only grade now where you can keep up with play?
Speaking of not keeping up, the prem 2 grade in North Otago now has three teams in it - now that's some riveting rugby and a lot of time for duck shooting.
I'm seriously questioning whether the Otago Boys' reign is over, but no, my spies tell me recruitment is alive and well.
Real estate baron and sponsor of the secondary schools comp and OBs' second XV coach, John Faulks, was seen with the big chequebook out, waving it in front of some big Kavanagh front-rowers, after his team thrashed them recently.
Assistant coach Dave Callon was last seen dashing (or a fast shuffle these days!) to his car to find a pen!
I hear Glen Dickson, the former Otago and Pirates first five-eighth, is back in town, looking for players to take back to England.
"Dicko'' there are not enough players here now, so hands off!
This weekend
Destroyed Brian Morris from Mitchell's Tavern last weekend to go 11 straight - they are scrabbling for the record books as we speak.
Up against Kelvin Stevens, the tall, angular manager of the Speight's Alehouse, who in fact, is really in charge there, as mein host Scully sadly is rarely seen there these days.
So surely the streak continues, but I smell a calamitous upset!
The Magpies (12-) should be too big up front with their behemoth pack but Josh Casey back at pivot for the Eels will help their cause.
Kaik should have too much all-round depth for GI (12-) at the Toolbox.
But with three Highlanders listed to play for Green Island, it could surprise and whoever loses can kiss its top-four aspirations away.
The Hawks (13+) should get it done over an under-strength Onion outfit at the Pony Pit.
Varsity should steamroll the Sharks (12-) for the "Keogh'', especially since it's captain Sam Sturgess' 100th game, but I'd rather sing Irish songs with the Burke duo than pick it. Zingari (13+) will rack them up over Pirates for its third win of the season.
The late mailSo Tony Brown has been announced as the Highlanders coach.
Obviously, there were no other suitable candidates and they twisted Brownie's arm.
They've also announced Mark Hammett as the forward coach, a big risk in this writer's opinion.
More soon.
