A Dunedin mother whose 13-year-old daughter was a victim of "cyber grooming" tells her story to reporter Ellie Constantine.
Discovering dozens of older men were having sexual conversations with her teenage daughter and wanted to meet her chilled a Dunedin mother to the core.
After following the basic guidelines for monitoring cyber activity in the home, Sally (not her real name) was left with an "awful, sickly" feeling the day she made the shocking discovery.
The family computer was used only in the lounge and while her 13-year-old daughter, Ella (not her real name), kept her cellphone with her all night, her mother believed it was harmless and common among teenagers.
She also thought Ella's chosen social networking site, Bebo, was innocent, as she had checked it sporadically and never found anything of concern.
That was until January.
Sally was "absolutely distraught" to find "dozens" of older men were in contact with her daughter and had been sexually grooming her via cellphone and the internet.
"I had no idea about it," she said.
It started in September when Ella's friend received a random text-message from a stranger.
The friend provided Ella's number and they started texting. Gradually, more strangers obtained her cellphone number and texting escalated to talking on the phone.
Bebo was another major avenue of contact. Children using the site had posted photographs of themselves in school uniform with their cellphone numbers.
It was a paedophile's dream, Sally said.
Through the site, Ella received an application from another site which, unknown to her, was a dating website for adults.
She and her friends joined and opened themselves up to more cellphone contact from strangers.
Men from across New Zealand, some 30 years older than her, began to contact Ella.
The men knew how to manipulate children to a point where it became sexual and out of control.
Ella's behaviour changed during this time: she was more confident because of the flattering comments the men made to her.
"No-one had ever spoken to me like that before," she said later.
However, she was too scared to talk to her family about the situation.
When Sally did another random check of Ella's Bebo page, she found the link to the dating website and discovered who had been contacting her daughter.
"She was very angry when we found out. She didn't comprehend the severity of the situation," Sally said.
One of the men had been pressing Ella to meet him and Sally was glad she found out before contact moved from the cyber world to the real world.
Ella was banned from having a cellphone and using the internet. The police were called and an investigation was launched.
They were "very helpful", but a lack of physical evidence - Sally destroyed Ella's original cellphone - meant no charges could be laid.
Sally was "devastated", but wanted to warn other parents of the dangers of sexual grooming on the internet.
She believed children should not use social-networking sites "full stop".
"They have no idea who they are communicating with."
Parents should actively monitor their children's pages if they do have them.
Children did not have the maturity to deal with many situations and parents needed to be there to protect them.
"There is no doubt it could happen again. It's happening everywhere. Some parents have got no idea."
Keeping children safe
- Do not allow computers to be used in private areas.
- Be aware of who your children are in contact with on the internet.
- If they are not friends in the real world, question their cyber friendship.
- If you or your child become suspicious about a person, cease contact.
Source: NetSafe
