Welcome back.
Yes, we've eased into the Premier League season with some great goals, a handful of average refereeing decisions, one blowout and precisely zero draws.
Arsenal are flying, Portsmouth are dying and Liverpool . . . er, did I mention Arsenal were flying?
These were my impressions from the opening round:
1. Football's back! No disrespect to Caversham, worthy winners of the Footballsouth Premier League, or the Wellington Phoenix - winners over the Perth Glory thanks to a Leo Bertos screamer - but we all know what level of the game dominates our hearts and minds for nine months.
2. Right, I'll address this now and get it over with. Liverpool made a shaky start. It was 2-1 to Spurs but we all know it could have been 4-1 if Robbie Keane wasn't firing more blanks than a de-testicled Brahma bull. Liverpool were rubbish. Shaky defence, a pedestrian midfield missing Xabi Alonso more than we'd feared, a rusty Stevie G, and a strangely disinterested Fernando T. Now, with Skrtel and Agger injured, Rafa gets to call on a callow 18-year-old to start in central defence against Stoke.
Take a deep breath, Anfield faithful. Remember that:
(a) While we only lost two games last season, it was the draws that really killed our chances. Bounce back from this with 3-4 wins on the trot and an opening-day loss means nothing.
(b) Stevie G and Torres won't play that shakily again.
(c) As long as Ryan Babel is considered good enough to start for Liverpool, our dreams of wearing the famous red shirt won't die.
(d) It could be worse. You could be an Everton fan.
4. A Titus Bramble mistake followed by an Emile Heskey blast into row ZZ. Beautiful.
5. The best goal of the opening round was Huga Rodallega's cracking one-time shot from a loopy bounce to give Wigan the lead against Aston Villa. A close second was Benoit Assou-Ekotto's blast against Liverpool.
6. My notes say "Maybe Wigan, not Aston Villa, will be the dark horse this season." Today's websites say "Wolves 1, Wigan 0".
7. I've nearly polished off Extra Time, a raucous diary of the 1997-98 season through the eyes of Liverpool fan Kevin Sampson. Mostly it's a collection of stories about his mates Jegsy and Roy and Danny, their boozing and their travels. What's fascinating isn't just which teams were in the Premier League - Arsenal did the double and Man U, Liverpool and Chelsea rounded out a predictable top four, but the league also featured Leeds (fifth), Derby (ninth), Leicester (10th), Coventry (11th), Newcastle (13th), Wimbledon (15th), Sheffield Wednesday (16th), Barnsley (relegated) and Crystal Palace (relegated) - or how Sampson seriously thought Liverpool could win the title with Phil Babb and Bjorn Tore Kvarme in defence.
No, the constant theme of the book was how excited the author was at the emergence of an 18-year-old Liverpool striker Michael Owen. With good reason. Owen top-scored in the league with 18 goals, alongside Dion Dublin (Coventry) and Chris Sutton. The boy wonder would go on to score 118 goals in 216 appearances for Liverpool, score a great hat trick for England against Germany, and become the first Englishman to be named world footballer of the year. A brief spell at Real Madrid was followed by four injury-plagued years at Newcastle. Now, as I eventually get to the point, he's a Manchester United reserve who couldn't hit a barn door with a shotgun from point-blank range.
8. Interesting stories to appear after the opening round were this one, this one and, sadly, this one.
9. The three best opening-day kits were Stoke (classic red and white stripes), Blackburn (half blue, half white, all class) and Fulham (plain white with black trim).
10. A minute's applause is way, way better than a minute's silence.
11. Name of the round: Sevi Olofinjana (Hull).
12. Check out the disparity in crowds: Portsmouth's Fratton Park (17,510), Bolton's Reebok Stadium (22,247), Tottenham's White Hart Lane (35,935), Chelsea's Stamford Bridge (41,597) and Evil Empire's Old Trafford (75,062). Rich getting richer, anyone?
13. Remember, it's not how you start, it's how you finish.
